The Reading Today
• Source Material: Mere Christianity
My Reflection
In today’s excerpt from Mere Christianity, Lewis reflects on the purpose of wedding vows. He argues that if the emotional state of "being in love" were the only valid reason to stay married, then making a formal promise or contract would be entirely pointless.
Lewis points out that when people fall in love, they naturally want to make promises of eternal constancy—it is the language of love songs the world over. However, he emphasizes a vital distinction: a genuine promise can only ever be about actions, not feelings:
"...A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry."
In Lewis’s view, the promise commits us to remaining faithful and standing by someone even when the initial, passionate feeling inevitably cools.
I completely understand his logic that marriage is meant to be far more than just a passing feeling. Yet, I find myself wrestling with the heavy real-world consequences of this view. While I deeply respect the sanctity of vows, rigid adherence to this principle can mean that countless couples across the land remain trapped in empty, loveless marriages—enduring years of profound unhappiness simply out of a grim sense of duty. Watching one’s life slip away in a joyless home seems extraordinarily unfair and deeply sad.
At the same time, I certainly do not discount the immense pain brought about by divorce. My own parents divorced not long after I was born. Because of the acrimonious nature of their separation, I never knew my father as a conscious memory—I must have been only 12 to 18 months old when he left my life. I know the quiet, lifelong shadow that a broken home can cast.
People sometimes use the phrase "piecrust promises"—meaning vows that are easily made and easily broken. Balancing the gravity of keeping our word against the human tragedy of endless, loveless suffering is one of the hardest dilemmas of the human condition.
Why This Matters
Promises are fundamental to human trust, but grace must walk hand-in-hand with duty. Understanding that we cannot control our feelings allows us to focus on how we treat one another: with kindness, respect, and honesty, even when life doesn't turn out the way we envisioned.
My Action for Today
Today, I will reflect on the commitments I have made in my own life. I will strive to honour my word through my actions and kindness, while extending compassion to those who are quietly carrying the weight of difficult situations.
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