Day 18: One Flesh and the Illusion of Feeling (9th August)

 

The Reading Today

• Daily Theme: The Distinctions Between Sexual Union, Commitment, and "Being in Love"
• Source Material: The Screwtape Letters

My Reflection

Today’s passage brings us yet another complex excerpt from The Screwtape Letters. I will freely admit that Screwtape’s inverted logic is something I often struggle to comprehend or find immediate comfort in. Furthermore, as a gay man who has never married, exploring Lewis’s rigid focus on traditional heterosexual marriage feels twice as removed from my own lived experience. Looking at these concepts from the outside can leave one feeling like a spectator to an unfamiliar world.

Yet, stripping away the demonic satire and mid-century framing reveals a fascinating psychological insight into human nature.

Screwtape explains how Hell deceives humanity by blurring the lines between a deep, binding human connection and the fleeting emotional state of "being in love." He points out that in theology, physical intimacy creates a profound, spiritual link—a "one flesh" reality—that establishes a permanent bond between two people, requiring mutual goodwill and responsibility.

The "joke" that Screwtape boasts about is how Hell tricks humans into believing that the emotional rush—the blend of excitement, desire, and romance—is the only thing that makes a union valid or holy. It brings to mind a striking line from Rufus Wainwright's song Poses:

"Life is a game and true love is a trophy..."

That lyric captures the precise illusion Screwtape describes: treating love as a prize to be won, a dramatic sensation to show off, rather than a living, quiet commitment. Screwtape draws a parallel to spiritual life: just as a sudden wave of religious emotion might accompany a conversion, that emotional feeling is not the conversion itself.

When we mistake temporary emotional excitement for the true foundation of a relationship, we set ourselves up for disappointment. When the initial thrill naturally cools, people are tempted to believe the relationship is broken or meaningless, ignoring the deeper values of loyalty, shared journey, and quiet companionship.

Even from where I sit—outside the traditional institution of marriage—the core principle remains universally true. Whether in marriage, deep friendships, or community, human connections cannot rely solely on how we feel on any given afternoon. Lasting bonds are sustained by goodwill, fidelity, and choices that outlast the passing weather of our emotions.

 

Why This Matters

Feelings are terrible foundation stones; they shift with the wind. While emotional passion is a wonderful gift when it arrives, real devotion—in any form of relationship—is built on the conscious, quiet decision to stand by another person through every season, rather than chasing a trophy.

My Action for Today

Today, I will focus on the enduring commitments and friendships in my life. I will appreciate them for their steady loyalty rather than evaluating them by temporary moods or emotional highs.

Reader Question

Have you ever experienced a moment where the initial "spark" of a relationship or project faded, revealing the deeper, quieter work of staying committed?