Day 20: Falling in Love vs. Growing in Love (11th August)

 

The Reading Today

• Daily Theme: The Transience of Emotion and the Growth of True Love
• Source Material: Mere Christianity

My Reflection

Today’s passage was a welcome relief—much easier to relate to and deeply echoing my own life experience.

Lewis acknowledges that "being in love" is a glorious, noble state. It lifts us out of cold self-centredness, opens our eyes to beauty, and makes us more courageous and generous. Yet, he cautions against making any single feeling the ultimate ruler of our lives:

"...Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all."

I whole-heartedly agree with his observation that initial romantic passion is fleeting. In my youth, I mistakenly assumed that the intense rush of sexual attraction and initial passion was the primary backbone of a relationship. When that thrill inevitably began to fade, I was left with the mistaken belief that the relationship itself was over.

However, over the course of 25 years, my feelings toward someone I was once "in love" with underwent a profound transformation. Today, I can say I genuinely love them in a way that is vastly deeper, richer, and stronger than those early days.

As the initial, fiery passion diminished, a quiet, enduring love grew in its place—one built on deep companionship, trust, mutual reliance, and shared history. What replaces the initial spark is not a loss, but an upgrade. Passion is a wonderful spark to light the fire, but companionship and trust are the logs that keep the hearth warm for decades.

 

Why This Matters

We live in a culture that constantly idealises the initial, heady rush of falling in love, often treating the quiet aftermath as a disappointment. Understanding that feelings are weather—coming and going—allows us to appreciate the deeper, lasting foundations of life: principles, knowledge, loyalty, and deep, enduring affection.

My Action for Today

Today, I will celebrate the long-term, steady relationships and friendships in my life. I will appreciate the warmth of quiet companionship over the unpredictable excitement of temporary thrills.

Reader Question

Have you ever experienced a relationship or friendship where the initial "spark" evolved into something much quieter, yet infinitely deeper and stronger?