Day 57: "I Want to Believe", Anaesthetics, and a Fragile Faith (17th September)

 

The Reading Today

• Daily Theme: Faith by reason, the battle against emotion and imagination, and the analogy of anaesthetics.
• Source Material: Mere Christianity ("When Worlds Collide")

My Reflection

Today’s excerpt looks at a concept which was the initial attraction of Lewis’s writings for me: the concept of ‘Faith by Reason’.

As a child, Religious Education was a weekly lesson, along with daily prayers and hymns at morning assembly. I was also part of the school choir, and I spent many of my happiest school days attending church services, reading lessons to the congregation, and celebrating special services like Easter and Christmas. However, as a child, Christianity seemed akin to a fairy story. You had a feeling that it might be true, or it might not. Much like Mulder from The X-Files, "I wanted to believe."

This started a lifetime struggle as I oscillated between belief and non-belief. It was not until my mid-thirties, when I started reading Lewis’s non-fiction—such as The Great Divorce, The Problem of Pain, and Mere Christianity—that my eyes were opened to Christianity in a way no lessons at school ever achieved.

Even now, I still consider myself what some might call a "lukewarm Christian." I do not possess the fiery, passionate, unshakeable faith I have witnessed in others. Mine is quiet, fragile, and constantly tested.

This fragility perfectly echoes Lewis’s brilliant analogy of the anaesthetic. My reason can be perfectly convinced of a truth, just as a patient knows the surgeon is trained and the mask is safe. Yet, when the mask comes down—or when life presents a terrifying or challenging moment—the childish panic and doubt set in. It is not reason taking away the faith; it is simply emotion and imagination running wild.

In my youth, if an idea or view did not perfectly match my own, that panic would make me reject it instantly. Now, understanding this battle between reason and emotion, I feel much more confident. I can listen to differing and opposing ideas with much more compassion. Instead of reacting with immediate emotional defence, I allow myself the space to let these ideas ferment in my mind, coming to decisions from a much cooler, reasoned viewpoint.

Why This Matters

We often judge the strength of our faith by the intensity of our emotions. Lewis reminds us that a quiet, fragile faith grounded in reason is entirely valid. Recognising that doubt is often just emotional panic, rather than a failure of intellect, gives us the grace to let opposing ideas ferment without feeling threatened.

My Action for Today

Today, when I encounter an idea that challenges my views, I will not instantly reject it out of emotional instinct. I will give it the space to ferment and approach it from a cooler, reasoned perspective.

Reader Question

Do you relate more to a fiery, emotional faith, or a quiet, fragile one that relies on reason to weather the storms of doubt?